Thursday, November 23, 2017

In which the pond seeks protection from endless reptile protectionism ...



If the reptiles keep going with their desire to turn the lizard Oz into a fortress in the style of The Times, and take themselves completely out of the conversation, the pond might be spending more time with lesser lights of the Rachel Baxendale kind ...

But that too has its rewards, and possibly not before time.

Who knew that a wine science student would end up pounding the fundamental Xian beat for the lizard Oz?

There's a million stories in the naked, or even the clothed city, and setting up an entirely new RELIGIOUS PROTECTIONS category in the lizard Oz alleged news section is exemplary ...

Why even in the olden golden days, the reptiles never quite managed an ABANDON 18C FOR THE SAKE OF THE BOLTER category in the news section ...

Yesterday Rach lent her ear to the copious squawkings of the mysterious Lyle bird, a bold and brazen creature with not a shy feather to be found ...


Channelling the Lyle bird and typing down Cory talking about 'common sense' is as good a definition of silliness as can be imagined, and the pond feels a deep sense of pity for this Rach, trying her best to make a living in this difficult world.

Someone has to do it, but not everyone was buying the hysteria, with Ernie popping up in the comments section ...


Remarkably it seems some willingly pay for the pleasure of trolling the fundies who litter the comments section of the lizard Oz, but if the reptiles take themselves out of the conversation, will they end up only braying to their base like a bunch of Donalds?

Pandering to the Lyle bird doesn't seem like much of a business model, though the pond learned a new word for the day ...

It had thought totalism was a style of art music that turned up in the 1980s ... so little the pond knew ...


Et tu Erica? That only seemed to make Trev a little madder ...


Meanwhile, Rach was trying to produce balanced coverage by trotting out comrade Bill down the bottom of her piece ... by golly RELIGIOUS PROTECTIONS must now be more important than 18C ...


It's funny to think that earlier this day, there was the Savva assuring the pond and the world that the hugely expensive postal survey was a very good thing, because it reassured us that the moderate centre tolerant middle class still existed and had expressed a view and the Liberals would take care of it, when all that's happened is that the fundamentalists and the homophobic bigots have found a new way forward, which we might call RELIGIOUS PROTECTIONS ... and which now can keep the reptiles fully occupied, at least until the WAR ON XMAS calls ...

Truth to tell, they'll never give up on the culture wars, which carried on at full steam in the comments section ...


Somehow that reminded the pond of a Golding cartoon ...
The pond isn't so sure about that ... apparently there are no gay farmers in Australia, in much the same way as there are no gay footballers in the AFL ... and certainly not any gays in the Catholic church, except for the gay priest in the pond's extended family ....

Meanwhile, poor old Rach now had to pay attention to the Mayor of Hornsby, a desiccated hornblower of the old school ...who will certainly manage to reduce the discussion to outright tedium and dire ennui ...


Somehow the pond ended up brooding about luddites and medievalism and wondering if the reptiles in their new google fortress world might at last be offering the pond release, or at the very least, enlightenment ...


The pond has been thinking in recent times how tedious and stale it is to keep tracking the reptiles and their obsessions.

Instead of a herpetarium, why not an aquarium stocked with clown fish? Can looking at Nemo be that bad as a hobby? Perhaps it's time to shake up the business model, get out and about, avoid all the usual reptile offerings ...

You see, following on from Rach, the reptiles were at it again today with an EXCLUSIVE ...


What a shining example 'Becca is to Rach, good biblical names and all ... (Rachel, it will be recalled, was the favourite of a Biblical patriarch, while Rebekah was involved in all sorts of complicated business ... the pond only mentions this because every day it seems it's back in Sunday school fearing homosexuals and deviant socialists and anyone not in the DLP) ...

And sure enough dashing Donners was on to it like a flash ...


And at this point the pond had to make a pre-emptive strike, recycling that old joke Woody joke about the way that the intellectual content in the lizard Oz was served up pretty weak ... and in such small portions too ...

In the current climate referencing Allen isn't good for the health, in much the same way that dashing Donners isn't good for fundie Xian paranoia ...


That's it? That's the best Donners has got this day? And the reptiles pay him for it?98

Fucketty fuck, speaking of Dumbing Down, does anyone believe, outside dashing Donners, that calling Victoria the Albania of the South is the way to win an argument?

Hysteria, moi?

We're now expected to believe that Donners is living and working at the Education Standards Institute in Tirana, Albania, otherwise quaintly known as Melbourne, capital of Victoria?

Of course Donners use of the word "institute" has copped a bit of ire  when actually ESI is a trading name for Impetus Consultants Pty Ltd, ABN 73 737 609 643.

Hmm, is it time to set up the Loon Pond Institute for Reprehensible Word Abuse?

Never mind, there's always a place for Donners, because he manages to troll almost everybody, as when he got Guy Rundle going some months ago at Crikey ...


Well yes indeed, careful what you wish for rhetorical Donners, and speaking of multiculturalism, the real Pope had a splendid idea this day for a diverse workplace, with more genuine papal encyclicals to be found here ...







In which there's a great unravelling ...

Mood: tense; humour: bilious; temper: fraught; outlook cloudy.

Keep reading Robert Burton's Anatomy of Melancholy, and wondering if I'm choleric. Those lines about the centre not holding keep running through my mind. Damn you Yeats, surely some Gina is at hand, with a gaze blank and pitiless as the sun ...

Oh okay, the pond could only guess at the contents of the savvy Savva's diary this day, and must instead resort to her column for a full dose of the gloom ...



Wherever the pond looked, at Savva, or the NY Times here, or Krugman, it was the time of the great unravelling ...

Socks, cardigans, jumpers, Malware, all unravelled, and even worse, as things fall apart, people spending endless hours gazing at navels, gathering fluff and arguing whether it should be 'unraveling' or 'unravelling' ... and so a rough beast, by name Comrade Bill, slouches towards Canberra to be born ... and who can stop him?

Oh heartbreak, oh existential despair direct from Malware's desk to the readers of the lizard Oz ...


Not one journo! 

Instead what do we get on a daily basis? The braying of Bolter donkeys ... look, there he is again in the Terror this day ... giving counsel, advice and kind words to Comrade Bill, comparing him to the onion munching master in a way that can only elevate the Kenyan born devious Marxist in the eyes of conservatives ...


He's like the onion muncher? Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold, the falcons are in the field, mere anarchy is loosed, the blood-dimmed tide drowns the innocent, poor Malware lacks all conviction, while the Bolterish worst are full of passionate intensity ...

Only cricket has the power to unite us all? Why then we're truly stuffed ...

See, see how the insouciant Bolter brays and mocks and leaks ...




How can a single savvy Savva stand against this sort of carry-on? Free passes handed out willy-nilly, free kicks given by one-sided refs, and it was ever thus ...


Indeed, indeed, and speaking of the drollest of ironies, isn't it a marvel that the savvy Savva scribbles for a rag which has a commentariat currently in a unity ticket with Islamic fundamentalists on social matters ...

No wonder there's an uneasiness, and the second coming is at hand. Spiritus Mundi reptilians!

There are only a few Spartans left as the hordes gather ...

Oh stranger, tell the dinkum that we lie here, and lie often, obedient to their words ...


The government will disintegrate, and so will whatever semblance of unity remains ...

The splitters will spit and split ...

A Monty Python sketch about splitters looms ...

Defeat guaranteed, a fracture precipitated, the onion muncher shattered in his own back yard ... and who knows who will be left to pick up the fragments, perhaps it will be a raving loon of creationist young earth stock slouching in from the west ... and twenty centuries of stony sleep are vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle of savvy despair ...

Frankly the pond has no idea where all this gloom is coming from. Didn't Barners just win a spiffing award, and didn't Rowe celebrate it this morning?

Buck up, Ms Savva, cheer up, and enjoy more cheery Rowe here ...



Wednesday, November 22, 2017

In which the pond engages nattering "Ned" to act as ancient mariner party bouncer and pooper ...



The pond has been enjoying a bit of a surge of late in terms of hits, and that simply won't do. 

It might give the reptiles some kind of whiff of hope, that they might yet find redemption in the arms of google and achieve a FANG-like triumph ...

The pond isn't a killjoy - oh what a lying hypocritical wretch the pond is, of course it's a trolling killjoy - and the surest way it knows to ensure there'll be no dead cat bounce or fang-like surge is to bring on nattering "Ned", especially late in the day when any likely readership is already likely to be bored and restless and irritated by the travails of work ...

If ever there was a party you wanted to fail, surely the thing to do is to have nattering "Ned" outside stopping three of three, and imitating the ancient mariner with an endless harangue ...

As soon as "Ned" talks "hope and confidence", everybody will nod off to sleep ...


Uh huh, here no solution, no solution here, just a lot of blather and endless, mindless tedium, a step too far even for the pond, even if desirous of inducing a zombie-like trance and mute indifference in passing stray readers ...

How to keep their eyelids open until the bitter end? Perhaps a tax cartoon from another country?


Oh sheesh, it's golf and taxes, there goes the readership, and yet Ned's only cranking into second gear ...


Um, isn't that the Liberal-implemented NDIS? Oh never mind, perhaps another cartoon from a different country ...


The good news is that there's only one gobbet of nattering "Ned" to go, and soon people will be able to take their hands from their eyes, and stop noisily chanting "lah, lah, lah, lah" like a Krishna overdosing on "Ned" ...


Actually, Malware has the serious problem. He's surrounded by white ants, busily doing what termites must do, and the talk of tax cuts, unspecified, undetermined, and undescribed, was received with all the credibility of a Donald Trump tweet doing its best to distract from more pressing current problems ...

The pond appreciates nattering "Ned's" leaden attempts to take the unknown and the unspecified seriously, but in view of the fact that not a hint of a whit or a jot of what might be proposed was unveiled, it's all so much specious, boring garbage, delivered with unmitigated tedium and the usual ponderous solemnity ...

The pond knew right from the get go that any stray passing readers would quickly start dropping like flies, that the reptiles would be reminded yet again that their business model is doomed, and the pond along with it, and that the only thing left to do was to reward hardy survivors with another tax cartoon from a different country... it having as much insight into Malware's unproposed, unspecified tax plans as nattering "Ned's" endless wittering ...



In which the pond takes care of onion muncher business and other religious matters ...



The thing is, the lizards of Oz can never get enough of the onion muncher, and every time the pond thinks of dropping him from its banner, the reptiles find a new way to drag him back into the glare of the headlights ...

How slight and inconsequential is this story by the cawing Crowe, yet it added to the onion muncher's on-going presence and greater glory, and was another slash on the cheek of the always jousting Malware ...


Of course the pond can understand.

Who wouldn't enjoy the sight of one of the most malignant toxic egos at work in national affairs warning of toxic egos at work in national affairs?

And to see that the onion muncher was doing this Malware beat up on petulant Peta's programme was too richly ironic and reflexive and post-modern for the pond to ignore ...

Especially when the onion muncher added "Too many people have put themselves first..." while spending endless days putting himself first ...

But at least this day's angle gave the pond a chance to revert to a curious sight yesterday, even if it requires the pond to act like a dog after chewing some Tamworth grass, heading back out in the Tamworth sun to check on its vomit ...


The cheek of the man?

Even better was the rogues' gallery that google provided as they cosy up to the reptiles and the reptiles clutch at google straws to save their business plan ...


Tony Abbott's vacillations leave him at risk of permanent irrelevance?

Lordy, lordy, and there was the pond still with the irrelevant one the prize head of its prize banner collection of cinematic loons ...

Naturally the pond was compelled ...


The pond suddenly felt a deep welling of sympathy for this reptile.

Perhaps he went off the kool aid for the day. Perhaps he stepped out of the Surry Hills bunker for a moment and caught the whiff of reality or a barista coffee of the kind that inner city 'leets so love ...

Perhaps it was just an accumulation, a steady drip drip drip of reading endless stories about the onion muncher, sniping, undermining and wrecking so often that when the likes of the cawing Crowe runs a story these days, he no longer feels the need to remind the world that the onion muncher once said "There will be no wrecking, no undermining and no sniping..."

It must be hard, day after day, to read the rag, even as a form of work, and no doubt the pressure builds up with a head of steam, and then the metaphor snaps and the boiler explodes ...


Of course it's a two edged sword ... the hapless reptile purports to believe in all the nonsense that the onion muncher supposedly celebrates, only to accuse him of failing that particular canon ...

But that talk of the Islamics reminded the pond of another bit of handwringing by the cawing Crowe yesterday ...



Indeed, indeed. All this talk of persecuted Xians, but what if they managed to score the jackpot?

If trained in the school of fair dibs, how long before that sort of religious freedom might lead to sharia law,  the reptiles most favourite nightmare ...or perhaps even worse, to burying spoons in the back garden?

...according to Kashrut, (the laws of kosher), if you accidentally use the meat fork in, say, a bowl of cottage cheese, you are supposed to bury it in the dirt for six weeks. (Or is it six months? I always forget.) The first dozen or so times this happened in my house, when my sister, brother, or I made the boo boo, we were sent out back to bury the sullied silverware. The problem was, nobody thought to mark the grave. The grass would grow. My father, Marty, would mow the grass. The grass would grow again, and the offending flatware would simply be forgotten. I imagine in a few hundred years, interstellar anthropologists will dig up our back yard, scratch their heads, or um, horns, and say, “I wonder why man in the 1970s buried his eating utensils? (here for the Kosher Style laugh).

Never mind,  that's just superstition dressed up as religion, as so much of it is, so it's on with the mild reptile panic attack ...



So that's all the pond has to do?

Shout "the Islamics are gunna get ya!" and the issue of religious freedom will disappear on the wind, and we might remember we live in an ostensibly secular country ...

And as a result we can then get back to the real point of the religious freedom exercise, as noted by the all-seeing, all-knowing Rowe this day, with more of the seer here ... 

Ah yes, the wrecking, the sniping, the undermining ...  but who's that lurking behind the door? Has the onion muncher taken to wearing a dress? Is he transitioning? Or is he just a rat in a rage, emerging from his cage on the left of the page?



In which the pond rents or leases a little Dame Slap for a little while and rues the cost ...


It seemed like another sign of the lizard Oz's sharp swerve to the hard left, what with Dame Slap lining up alongside the Bolter to deliver Malware's Liberals a round of hard slaps to the chops ...

What's left for comrade Bill to do, whither the pond as it subsides into complete irrelevance?

Of course these Libs have missed the point - let us not discuss the NBN yet again - but now the pond must be little missy echo to stern Dame Slap?

Naturally there's a little more than meets the eye, and a wondrous example of Dame Slap hypocrisy, but for that the pond needs the whole dose of Dame Slap fury ...



Truly wondrous to read, this talk of illiberal forms of nanny-statism, apparently the behaviour of paternalistic, far-left greenies ...

But where was Dame Slap when the ABC was running Welfare quarantine on the cards for thousands of Queenslanders in Wide Bay Region ...

Well we know where the greenies were and what they thought ...

NO TO THE CASHLESS CARD 
The Government wants to continue the rollout of this program to new sites, they have legislation before the Parliament. But it can be stopped if the legislation isn't supported in Parliament. If you don't support this approach you need to be telling politicians that. 
At the moment the Labor party are saying that the card should not be rolled out nationally, but they support the card if a local community supports it. They supported the previous legalisation despite the lack of proper community consultation in Ceduna and the East Kimberley. 
The Labor Party’s position will be key in blocking further legislation on the card. 
The Greens urge you to phone or write to your local and federal members of Parliament, to tell them to say NO to this legisaltion. (sic, oh greenies, sic, fully sick).
You can find the details of the elected representatives in your area here. We strongly encourage you to get in touch with them. (here).

But no one much cares about hapless mugs reliant on welfare.

Punishing them and acting out the role of big paternalistic government is fine with that lot, because there's not much money in them for the blood sucking finance industry rorting people by way of rental and leasing deals ...

And as a result Dame Slap doesn't much mind that form of paternalism ... it's just when it comes to rorting consumer leases that it's a problem ...



Moral of the story? Paternalistic illiberalism is fine when it comes to people on welfare, but extremely dangerous when it comes to rorting consumers who make the mistake of entering into rental deals to get their paws on glittering consumer goods otherwise just out of reach ...

The pond has seen up close the mayhem those leasing deals can produce in those who can't afford it. And it's usually the poor, dropping a little bit down, and a lot more a week, and then the hammer eventually falls ... and the few consumer victories that result are as rare as a sense of economic reality in Dame Slap ...

A Victorian Mum of four has won a settlement of nearly $4000 after she took legal action against Flexirent Capital Pty Ltd, a subsidiary of the ASX listed company FlexiGroup Limited. Michelle Thompson (26) of Wonthaggi alleged that Flexirent failed to comply with its responsible lending obligations and entered into unjust contracts after it leased her products purchased at a Harvey Norman store. Between March 2011 and January 2013, Thompson entered into four separate rental agreements (commonly known as ‘consumer leases’ or ‘rent-to-buy’ products). Although the items were only valued at $9,917.78, the total amount of the rental payable was over $18,500. Despite this, she did not have a right to keep the goods... (here in full)

What a scam, what an industry of scammers preying on the poor ...

Of course Dame Slap is on the side of Flexirent. What's the point of capitalism if you can't score a good rort, and how dangerous for that mum to score a win ... which is why governments have to spend much time and effort warning of the dangers ...


(here for the hot links and more warnings).

It's a bit like the mugs who fork out money for Christmas hampers, and pay in little sums what finally amounts to an exorbitant sum, only to end up with a half-arsed, cheapskate hamper that could have been bought for half the price if paid for upfront.

The pond knows the all too human reasons why they do it, and the pond also knows the all too human willingness to exploit the vulnerable and sell them expensive duds, dressed up as a form of fiscal benevolence, and blessed by the likes of Dame Slap, urging those who bought the snake oil just to drink it and shut up ...

Is it any wonder that for serious commentary the pond always reverts to the Pope for some astute financial advice, with appropriate, expected, predictable and shameless government response, and with more papal insights here ...?