Friday, April 20, 2018

In which the pond is shocked right to its iconographic reptile core ...


The pond is standing by for a flurry of weekend rage as the reptiles come to terms with the new instruction that's gone out …


Say what? But everyone knows that the fascists have the best uniforms and the most exciting iconography, and the reptiles on the right love their Godwin's Law dress-up moments …

What next? No more pirates, no more Phantom?

If that's the case, how will the reptiles build to the necessary level of killer hate?

 


Dear sweet absent lord, how are the reptiles going to cope? What's on the vigilante Campbell hit squad?


The pond is aghast. Violence with humility and compassion?

But the reptiles routinely deploy verbal violence with fierce fear and loathing and a complete lack of compassion for the wimpy luvvies and their marshmallow ways.

The fascists stripped of their toys and their pleasures? Where will it end?

Standby for much muttering, or even shrieking and howling, and anxious Melburnians rushing out to buy full length leather coats for the winter before they're confiscated …


Talk about style. Those mass murderers knew how to dress ...

Never mind, if any reptiles get agitated about not being able to wear the mark of The Phantom or enjoy Long John or all the rest of it, how about sneaking a ring home and wearing whenever you're alone in the toilet? Go on, you know it's right for you …



In which the pond makes a classic fatal TGIF 404 lunch-time mistake ...

First a Rowe joke, just to settle the pond down, with more settling down - and getting around behind - available at Rowe's splendid graveyard here ...


Ah that's better, though really it seems the first shovels to sink into the ground belong to the AMP …

And now to a confession of the pond's tragic mistake this day.

Stumbling around in the cesspit otherwise known as the Speccie in search of a lunch-time TGIF distraction, and bereft of Giles and Flinty, the pond stumbled on a climate science outing …

Why not give it a go, the pond thought, only to discover that it was a vomitous spewing of anger and rage that, even by the pond's usually low standards, was simply beyond the pale …

It happened to be written by one David Archibald, and apart from going on and on in an interminable way - with the usual guff about climate science as a religion, written by a person who clearly had only a passing acquaintance with scientific method or scientific argument or debate - it ended this way:


Did you see that?

There's a man celebrating suicides, and there's the Speccie publishing it …

There's hope in people killing themselves? Now there's a funny fucking form of hope ...

It's down there with the Devine's 'hang the greenies from the nearest lamp post' routine, and it's so rich in bile and anger and hate and fear and loathing that it's about as much as the pond could do just to note it - though it does also provide evidence that the pond is into self-mutiltation, because it made it to the end of the piece …

Then it occurred to the pond that this David Archibald chappie had escaped the pond's radar, but it soon turned out that he wrote for Quadrant and had been a One Nation candidate in WA …

In a 2015 Quadrant article One Nation candidate David Archibald described single mothers as "too lazy to attract and hold a mate, undoing the work of possibly 3 million years of evolutionary pressure". "This will result in a rapid rise in the portion of the population that is lazy and ugly," he said. He also said support payments for single mothers should be axed and described single motherhood as a "lifestyle choice".

Speaking of ugly, that ABC story here featured a photo of said David Archibald …


Sheesh, talk about a man in a glass house arming himself with a bunch of stones …but no doubt he had a mother and possibly she loved him.

Meanwhile, the gargoyles on Sydney University must be pleased … and it certainly would have cheered single mums deciding who might tuck slippers under bed for the night.

Naturally, being desperate, Pauline and co. stuck with their man so that more cloud-shouting could continue …


He's just a naughty boy?

But how fitting he should have been inspired by the onion muncher ...

Then the pond came across a book launch here ...

David Archibald, is a Perth-based scientist and analyst. Hear David speak on his latest book launched by his publisher, Connor Court. We should be taking the Chinese at their word. When they say they will seize the Senkaku islands from Japan, then they will be attacking Japan. When say they are going to seize the South China Sea, then they will be killing Vietnamese, Filipinos, Indonesians and Malaysians to do so. When China says that they will be having a war with the United States in a Götterdämmerung that will decide who rules the world thereafter, then another world war is coming. They have said all those things. It is time for Australia to awake from its torpor and prepare for what is coming. We need more submarines and quickly. The F-35 will be shot out of the sky, but there is a better alternative. This book explains all.

Fuck the absent duck, as soon as the pond hears somebody say they can explain everything or even 'all', it reaches for its Glock …

Why is this particularly piquant?

Well in the very same Speccie, the pond had gone wandering around and also stumbled across Derek Parker having a go at brutalising/pretending to do a book review savaging (strike out which is the less aggro) of Derryn Hinch and Clive Hamilton.

The pond had thought it a pretty weak outing, whatever one thought of Hinchie or Clive, and passed it by, but then seeing Archibald having a pink fit about China, remembered that when he got to Clive's book, Parker scribbled thusly …


Chinese conspiracy theorist? It just sounds a bit silly? 

But what about Archibald announcing the imminent arrival of world war three with the Chinese?

Is this what the Speccie has come to? Mocking the paranoid quasi-nationalism of the Archibald as if he was some sort of weird leftie loon?

By this time, the pond was suitably confused and thoroughly chastened.

Straying into the weirder pages of the Speccie, it turns out, could be a bit like reading Storm Front for kicks …and the pond gave that up long ago. There's funny ha ha, and then there's funny peculiar, weirdly out there and far away ...

Best to play it safe in the future. 

If the Speccie won't keep delivering Giles and Flinty, and the urbane Urban for top notch filmic climate science, then the pond will have to steer clear …

They have been warned. It is time for the Speccie mob to awake from its torpor and prepare for what is coming. 

Meanwhile, perhaps best to stick with the Pope, always on hand with papal advice for his flock here


In which the pond ranges from Prince Chuck to truffling rural scientists ...


Forget the banks, where's Flinty?

What are the Speccie mob doing? The pond's Friday keeps being ruined ...

There's front page news on Prince Chuck on the front page of the lizard Oz, and Flinty has deserted his post …

While Malware roams abroad and Barners is mortified and naive, the bouffant one is on a junket abroad and sending missives back to the colonials from the mother country …


Look, there's the Republican Malware junketing at the palace, and now to induce a nostalgic tear in the colonials can we have a shot of Ming the Merciless loving her out of the corner of his eye ...


Strange there's so little of Prince Chuck in the saga, and a lot of the Queen, but no doubt Chuck will turn up at the very end triumphant ...


Thank the long absent lord for that, because on his previous missive the bouffant one had the solemn duty of reporting on the work of Australia's devoted Republican abroad ...



There's something particularly poignant about Malware's almost infinite capacity to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or to say the wrong thing ...

"I can tell you we have as a government decided not to have a royal commission, we made the decision a long time ago, not because we don't believe there is nothing going on in terms of problems with the banks, it is because we want to take action right now and we are," Mr Turnbull told Channel Seven's Sunrise program.

...Mr Turnbull refused to detail cabinet discussions and said: "A royal commission would simply be an inquiry, take a long time, cost a lot of money and make some recommendations, which would no doubt be to do precisely what we are already doing." (Fairfax here).

Now all the pond needs is a report home to the colonials that proud Republican Malware supports the monarch of the United Kingdom, and Prince Chuck ...



Thank you bouffant one, that's more than enough on that, and now the pond can't believe what it's doing, but it must turn to another front page issue haunting the reptiles this day, if only because of its reflexive qualities …

First there was the oscillating fan, still rabbiting on about the matter of Folau, and obviously desperate ideas to fill his column inches ...



The oscillating fan is appalled that anyone should be asked to be respectful on social media, which is a vast relief to the pond, because being denied the right to call him a fuckwit would make life barely worth living ...



But what set the oscillating fan off?



Uh huh, it seems that noting that talk of people going to hell might not be helpful is in itself disrespectful, in an ironical sort of way ...



Naturally ScoMo felt the need to chip in, what with him being a practising Xian and knowing that gays are certain to go to hell … unlike the banks, because where's the harm in what they're doing? It's certainly not as bad or as harmful or as wicked and evil as people loving each other ...



And there's the rub. This whole farce, this whole hysteria, is about the re-signing of a single ratbag fundamentalist Xian …as if the entire bum-sniffing game would collapse if he went elsewhere ...



And so to the saga as it played out in today's lizard Oz …




Ye ancient cats of the Egyptian kind, now it needs crisis management experts?

What earthly crisis could produce this sort of catastrophist thinking? Don't tell the pond, let it guess, it involves the reptiles of Oz ...



How does it look on the front page of The Australian?

Like a single column on the right hand side in a rag that they have to give away in airports and still can't find that many takers …

For the long absent lord's sake, will someone just get a grip …why don't they just tell the sponsors to shut up, in the name of free speech for all?



The pond wishes it could announce a boycott of Taylors Wines, as is its right, or its refusal to attend rugby union games, but as the game it last attended was at UNE too many years ago to recall, and all it can remember was the sight of rural scientists truffling like pigs in the mud for a whiff of bum and leather, it's likely a pond boycott wouldn't do much good …

Instead, here's a shout-out to the fundamentalist Xian and a reminder of the fun you're missing, with a cover of the original Kinks tune …(might require watching on YouTube)





Thursday, April 19, 2018

In which the pond spends quality time with Ronnie and the onion muncher ...


Somebody had to crack the joke …

As for scientists debating the cause of the reef toll, when the pond dropped in it seemed clear enough, whether at the ABC here, or at Fairfax here

The Federal Government's Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority concluded the bleaching in 2016 was caused by a record-breaking marine heatwave, caused by a combination of climate change and the El Nino weather cycle. Water on the reef was more than a 1 degree Celsius warmer than the average for that time of year, and for much of it there was little cloud cover that would offer corals respite from the heat stress. "We're anticipating more of these events as global warming continues," Professor Hughes said. "We're into a new system. " Sarah Perkins-Kirkpatrick from the Climate Change Research Centre at the University of New South Wales recently published work showing underwater heatwaves have increased in both their duration and frequency over the past century, with a sudden uptick since the 1980s. As a result, on average around the globe, there are 54 per cent more days each year that are subject to a marine heatwave.

There doesn't seem to be much debate about it, except in Lloydie's octopi-fevered imagination.

The pond has no idea how Lloydie lives with himself, and the dissembling crap that he peddles for the reptiles, but thankfully doesn't have to care, because this day the onion muncher was out and about tweeting to promote the reptiles and his good mate Ron - apparently they can do a form of stuffing these days which allows mummies to stroll out of the museum as if they're alive…


Forget the reef, it's dinkum clean Oz coal time, oi, oi, oi ...

By golly the onion muncher still has drawing power of the hate kind. Usually the reptile social media efforts are a wasteland, a kind of desolation usually reserved for field trips to the GBR …

Never mind, the pond should now run Ron's effort, which if nothing else proves that revivified mummies have all the skills of a well-trained parrot (but what happened to the talking cocky in the park in Manilla, answer the pond that!)


Well it's amusing to see an agrarian socialist talking about socialised markets, and it fills the pond's irony quota for the day, but as it's also exceptionally tedious, dull and predictable - as parrots are wont to sound - how about a little more abuse of the onion muncher?


By golly, there was an onion muncher enthusiast in that bunch. That's touching, as touching as remembering the way Ronnie took a view of Pauline …


“I said to my colleagues last week, you stupid bastards, you are governing for two weeks out,” Boswell told Guardian Australia on Tuesday. “All you are worried about is getting your next piece of legislation through. You’ve got to do that but when Sinodinos said she is nice and she is better than she was, I thought you’ll rue that day. “Because all you are doing is legitimising people voting for her. Making it safe for people to vote for her.” Thus far, he has not spoken out about the resurgence of One Nation but he told Guardian Australia he was “really worried” that the conservative side of politics generally were not taking Hanson on. “I don’t want to be in the same position as the Labor party where they get dragged to the left all the time,” Boswell said. “If we don’t fight her back that’s where we’ll end up. We will be dragged to the right.” (Graudian here).

Is there a stupid bastard in the house?

 

The pond apologises, it meant no harm. Anyone with a medical condition can still seek out a hospital emergency room ...

And for those who could handle the pace, it's on with the rest of Ronnie's piece, though parrots could recite it without even seeing the lines …


Hardly less socialist? 

The government should indicate that a new operator and group of generators is preferred?

Only Ronnie could put those two thoughts in intense conjunction and think the parrot's making sense …and what about locking it into a 15 year plan? 

If only Stalin had realised the inadequacy of five year planning … what a way to build competition …

But that's our Ronnie for you … and now for anyone who wants to waste precious time, The Graudian has Ronnie here … after all, what's the point of reading or listening, when you can just watch a bit of telly and keep that climate science denialism on the boil, much like the GBR was on the boil?



In which the pond visits the bromancer and Dame Groan for a little catechismal refresher course ...


It occurred to the pond that perhaps there were many scandals in the middle east, not limited to, but including the behaviour of the British empire, assorted forces in the second world war, the Russians, the Americans, the Iraq war and all the fellow travellers who cheered it on in the lizard Oz, or those like the dog botherer were in the game, and assorted slaughters over the years, not limited to the terrorist Zionists who suddenly became statesmen, but also the Arab terrorists who played the same game …

Ah remember the olden days, when The Age's editorialist railed at the Jewish thugs … and worried about the Jews in the mother country … (the pond has joined the date to the editorial - the first piece was some hand-wringing about Britain's then economic crisis… roll on Brexit and the need for the colonies to step up ...) 


Scum from the ghettoes of Europe …

Well you wouldn't be saying that these days ...

Sorry, whenever the pond stumbles across the bromancer talking about the suffering of Xians, it's always drawn back in time to the suffering of displaced others …but perhaps it's best to get on with the current bout of paranoia and persecution complex ...


Indeed, indeed, whenever the pond wants an ungarnished, totally honest and unbiassed view of the world, it immediately heads off to the Vatican ...


Indeed, indeed. Why should Chinese citizens miss out on the criminalising of abortion, the taking away of women's rights to control their own bodies, a decent flurry of homophobia and a campaign to remove SSM marriage from the world, transphobia, assorted molestations of underage children, and the many other singular benefits that Catholicism offers the planet …

No doubt the bromancer will be worried if any of these worthy causes are under threat from the damp sponge currently occupying the modest building, a modest little accretion of stolen Roman marble that's a tribute to Christ's talk of rich people entering the kingdom besides the camels ...


By golly, it was a bit like reciting the catechism all over again, and it took a trip to the real Pope for the pond to remember that things were happening in the outside world (the gospel according to the pond's infallible Pope can be found here).


But wait, there's more. You see, Dame Groan was also moved by matters Catholic, and the pond felt the urgent need to attend to even more persecutions and much suffering...


Now for a minute there, it might be thought that Dame Groan had gone socialist, and thinks that perhaps public schools are being hard done by, up against the elite private mob, but of course it's all just a warm-up for another bout of 'won't someone think of the tykes' syndrome, as is only right and proper for the Catholic Boys' (and Groan's) Daily ...


Strange that the Catholic system is incapable of measuring parental needs and parental capacity to contribute; strange that one might head off to some of the mighty private Catholic schools and see such abundance as to make your average public school attendee swoon …you know, the sort that caters for illustrious characters of the Barners and onion munching kind.

Never mind, comrade Bill is on the case, and Dame Groan would like to join him in urging that more money be thrown at the tykes ...


And that, in short, is how a persecution complex can be eased … plenty of cash in the Catholic paw, the poor persecuted paw that needs a little healing plastic balm ...


Now that last part requires careful consideration and contortion. There's possibly too much money being spent on education, but if a meaningless amount of more is to be spent, then more meaningless money should be given to the Catholics, who after all, are just using education to keep their faith-based numbers up, and why wouldn't you? After all, a state-funded Ponzi scheme is better than having to fund it yourself …

No doubt in due course it will make a splendid movie, perhaps a Scorsese, The Gangs of Dame Groan, but in the meantime, it seems that Rowe went off to the movies, and caught some in the raincoat brigade emerging … with more Rowe here ...



In which the reptiles assure the pond the big one is coming ...


Somewhere along the line in the pond's mind, the big kahuna transferred its meaning of sorcerer, magician, wizard and diviner to the event itself …

The big kahuna came to mean the big one, the war to end war, as war has done so often …

Never mind, the lizard Oz is full of prophets, seers, and such like, helping fill the void with FUD, and can anyone be a better kahuna that the one that yearns for, calls for the big kahuna?


The big one, armageddon, apocalypse, end times, annihilation, the catastrophic cataclysm that will produce decimation and devastation … and it's "just around the corner."

Mmm, that's just a tad vague. Are we to expect the end with an autumn/spring onslaught, or perhaps by Thanksgiving, or Halloween, or by Christmas, or can we hang on until next Easter?


Naturally the pond was compelled …


Ah, strange rumblings, and not just in Aztlan …


Dear sweet long absent lord, no wonder Hunter ended it all …


But as the pond progressed through Roger's version of the apocalypse, what was striking was how short the piece was, and how the goal posts shifted from the third world war to a pretty ugly show, old chap …

Was it only a couple of months ago that it was all going to erupt in North Korea? Now it seems it's going to be Iran, unless everyone adopts Roger's realpolitik solution, and the quicker the better ...


Well at least we now have a timeline … surely by end of summer the big kahuna will be with us, and the pond will be able to thank the lizard Oz for channeling The Times and making the prophesy available outside the paywall … even as it scribbles, the pond has turned survivalist and is arranging the stashing of a huge supply of bottled water in the back yard, and bringing in a machine gun (in discreet parts of course) so the zombies can be kept from the stash …

But then the pond paused, and wondered if something even deeper in the British psyche, deeper even than Brexit or Boris, had set Roger off, and fortunately again The Times came to the rescue ...


The last of the Corgis gone, gone where we all go, no wonder the Brits and the pond were feeling gloomy …


It's surely pretty much the end of everything, the end of the Corgis heralds the end of the Queen, and the arrival of Prince Chuck, and that pretty much spells doom … but we must do our duty until the big kahuna calls us to the Folau rapture ...


Dearie me, what an unhappy way to start the day … why do the reptiles insist on spreading British fatalism and depression into the wider world? Why do they break the paywall so?

There was the pond ready to bounce into the day, and now we must prepare for the big one by Xmas.

Perhaps next time the pond can move on to something more positive, such as the bromancer wailing and gnashing his teeth, and the reptiles worrying about coal and Folau … because in the meantime, all the pond is left with are dire thoughts and lost hope …