Thursday, October 19, 2017

In which the pond continues bleeding obvious Thursday with the bromancer ...


The pond had many possible distractions for a bleeding obvious Thursday, not least the bleeding obvious way that the Bolter would drag Waleed Aly into the pay dispute - anything to needle the Islamic and get him agitated - and side with Julian Assange and Vlad the Impaler ...

If Hillary Clinton is damned by her links to sexual predators, what to make of the Donald or Steve Bannon in the locker room of life?

But it wasn't distilled essence of bleeding obvious, and the pond had to rule out other contenders for the same reason ...


Johnsie going the green fiends? Actually that was too bleeding obvious, and anyway, who'd spend time with an insincere, hollow untrustworthy loon who started in the Labor party and veered off like an Oscar Wilde rocket to the hard right, which threatens us all?

And there were the reptiles, getting very excited about Nick X, though it was bleedingly obvious they were doing a poll-driven beat-up ...



Is there nothing a silly poll can't achieve, apart from silly headlines left, right and centre?

Naturally the dog botherer had to pour cold water on all this ...


But in the end it was the bromancer that hit exactly the right bleeding obvious tone ...


The bromancer even had the cheek to dress it up as a rhetorical question:


You thought the bromancer was a cluelessly provocative twit? Right!

Now the pond immediately knew it had a bet going. The bromancer would spend endless time on China, but there wouldn't be one mention of Manus Island, Nauru, or Australia's treatment of its indigenous population, pace the record-breaking prison achievements of the NT government ...


Actually, notwithstanding the pond's indifference to lawyers, there's something to be said for the evolution of a legal system, and it's worth noting that China has moved some distance from the madness of Mao's cultural revolution, which took place around the same time as that great bastion of human rights and democracy decided to move over 500k military men into Vietnam and bomb the country either to corrupt democracy or the stone age, whichever came first. Oh yes, those were the great days for human rights ...

And speaking of human rights, it seems about the right time for the pond to raise some ancillary matters ...




Well yes, and more at the ABC here, but thanks to Nauru and Manus Island, and treatment of indigenous folk, Australia is eminently qualified to sit alongside the likes of Pakistan and the Congo ...



Indeed, indeed, and more and hot links here,  though it seems a pity not to celebrate Australia's role in liberating Iraq and helping generate the wondrous respect for human rights in the middle east, with Abu Ghraib symbolic of all little Johnny helped achieve ...

Of course all these epic achievements are in turn used by the Chinese Communists to justify their own wretched behaviour.

With all these great human rights achievements going down, the pond almost lost sight of the bromancer's final gobbet ...


The pond loves it when the bromancer talks dirty, or of eerie realisations of George Orwell's dystopian vision, while at the same time in another country ...



And what's this back in June 2013? Big Brother surveillance is our reality ...

Mass surveillance of a country's citizens by its government can no longer be said to be the preserve of authoritarian and dictatorial states. 
The publication last week by The Guardian of classified National Security Agency documents has exposed the extent of surveillance by the US government, throwing into question the security and privacy of the communications of people around the world. 
Not only does the US government have carte blanche access to data collected by phone companies about every single phone communication conducted on American soil, but it also has a direct line into records kept by internet companies such as Google, Microsoft and Twitter. In short, the US has the ability to spy on citizens of almost every country across the globe. 
Even living halfway around the world, seemingly out of the reach of the US government and its vast and intrusive intelligence program, it is safe to say that Australians have been the subject of US government surveillance. Their Gmail records and Facebook photos have been vulnerable to examination and investigation. Their phone calls have been tracked. And they have no means of recourse to prevent this activity from continuing.

Now there's a comfort, knowing the Donald has been fully briefed ...

But at least thanks to the bromancer we now know that China doesn't care too much about human rights, and there's another rich win for the bleeding obvious and deep irony ... and don't you worry about what Malware or the Donald might be doing ...

Meanwhile, there's an actual humanitarian crisis of astonishing proportions going on in Bangladesh, courtesy of a Myanmar government ostensibly led by a woman who won the Nobel Peace Prize ...it makes UN Warns of Looming Humanitarian Crisis on Manus Island look like small beer, but perhaps the bromancer might take some time out to look at the mote in our eye ...

And so for distraction and light relief a few bleeding obvious cartoons ...










In which the pond embarks on a bleeding obvious Thursday ...


What, no goats? No exploding volcano?

A baleful, glaring oscillating fan instead, with a rather dubiously kitted power board?

No doubt Rowe felt the need for a little variety, and more 'all sorts' are available here, but today is bleeding obvious day at the pond, and who better to introduce the theme than the savvy Savva?



True enough, given that Comrade Bill is, on his own, a singularly awkward lump of stodge, but the pond is willing to bet that nowhere in the piece will the savvy Savva note the singular capacity for failure of Malware ... or the way his willingness to carry out the orders of the onion muncher damaged his status and his political standing ...

Only a completely wretched doofus of the first water would respond this way ...


We rolled out a turkey, and now we expect to hear a lot more gobbling?

Yep ...

“It is a bit like television. If you’ve got hardly any viewers, you won’t get a lot of complaints,” he told the Nine Network. “[Customers] are rolling on and around 30,000 to 40,000 a week. Clearly you are going to get more complaints.”

Yep, totally tone deaf, and you can't pin that on the onion muncher, nor can Malware now pin the NBN on the onion muncher.

Sure he was only carrying out orders, sure it was the onion muncher that told him to destroy the NBN, but they hung plenty at Nuremberg for following orders ...

But enough of the Godwin's Law swear jar, let's see how the savvy Savva seeks to deflect and save  her man ...


Uh huh ...

Of course Malware is also doing a lot of their work for them. 

Old spineless jellyback never tackles the onion muncher, and panders to the hard right in his party, and gets himself tied up in all sorts of dubious policies to please them, and the result provides a barrel of apples for Comrade Bill and his team to dunk away at ...

But you won't read any of this in the savvy Savva ... instead, rich irony of ironies, she turns to covert Labor people to explain the Liberal situation ...


Uh huh. Of course that could have been written:

"Take energy, which is a difficult issue for the climate science denying, coal living hard right side of politics. Malware has succeeded in making it unclear what the government's position is. Didn't he once accept the science? Wasn't coal on the way out? Weren't marketplace mechanisms the way forward? Didn't renewables deserve their place in the sun? It should be a great issue for them, a marketplace driven renewable way forward to drive down prices and at the same time save the world, and yet Malware pandered to the hard right and the coal lovers and the climate deniers and above all the onion muncher and so the spineless old jellyback destroyed it ..."

But you won't find any of that in the savvy Savva. Instead she'll keep listening to the Comrade Bill whisperer, dumping a big surf on the onion muncher ...


Still they dream that the onion muncher will change his ways?

Still they hope for his return to the fold?

All sorts of rewards could follow, beginning with the restoration of respect, but ending with a seat in the cabinet?

This is beyond dreaming, this is a kind of madness ...

Every time the pond reads the savvy Savva, reluctantly it's herded in the direction of Comrade Bill, and away from the big game hunters ...


More Wilcox here, and so to a short, revealing bonus from the bouffant one ...

You see, the bouffant one comes at the problem from a different angle, one of trepidation, fear and loathing, because he knows the skill set of the team of sellers ...


Of course the bouffant one poignantly suggests that finally we have a workable climate policy, but that's a bit like suggesting that we have a working NBN made out of multi-nodal copper and cabbage string and sealing wax ...



The seat might be getting a little hot, but don't you worry about that, and pigs might have wings, but Malware's NBN and energy policies have not, and so it becomes a tricky business selling them to a once bitten, twice shy, mad as hell punter ...


Indeed, indeed, and the reptiles can keep talking up coal as the future, and talking down renewable energy, and Malware can keep pandering to this sort of climate science denying hard right element, and look, there comes Comrade Bill ...

Now, all the pond needs for a bleeding obvious Thursday is a few goats and perhaps a volcano god ...


That'll do flying pig, that'll do ...


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

In which the pond offers nattering "Ned" as a chaser for a short hit of dashing Donners ...



After the morning's gloom, the pond felt the need for a little uplift ... and it's a curious thing, but the sight of a Donners' piece is always a chance for soul to clap hands, do a little jig and sing ...

Oh there were alternatives ... over at the Terror, Miranda the Devine was discovering her inner Julian Assange ...



Who could have imagined that the Devine would have felt so close to Assange and Vlad the impaler? But then there's really not that much difference between Hitler and Stalin when it comes to a breach of Godwin's Law ...

Oh it was tempting alright, but there's nothing like the sight of a gloomy despairing Donners blathering about barbarians at the door to lighten the pond's mood ...

For starters, what's with the talk about "barbarians at the door"? 

Everyone knows that the barbarians are at the gate ...


And it's not just that the barbarians were at the gate of RJR Nabisco; truth to tell, the barbarians have been at the gate for yonks ...


Dammit, not the Goths at the gate in 410

How sad it is that the goths of Newtown seem to have disappeared ... the pond loved to see the Goths at the gate of the local cemetery ...and still visits regularly but the sightings are few and far between.

But enough of this, the pond has teased and titillated long enough, it's on with dashing Donners ...


Say what? That's very disappointing, that's downright vexing ... 

It reminded the pond of that old Woody Allen joke, which it might mangle just one more time ...

“There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are in the airport lounge reading the free newspapers that fall around them like confetti, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the Donners column in the lizard Oz is really terrible." 

The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such a small portion of Donners." 

Well, that's essentially how the pond feels about life - full of reading Donners, loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, but reading Donners, and life, is all over much too quickly.”

Now it's true that Donners offers the usual fatuous nonsense - like at the get go offering the High Anglican,  neo-Catholic, barking mad conservative banker T. S. Eliot as some kind of liberal ... not to mention quoting the IPA or other notable loons ...

That always happens when tykes get to claiming classical Greece for themselves and blathering on about rationality and objectivity, while slipping off on a Sunday for a sumptuous meal of human flesh (albeit hidden in a wafer) and a hearty quaffing of human blood (can the pond recommend a Sevenhills  altar wine as the best way to hide the flavour?)

It's also something of a bloody cheek for tykes to talk of a doctrinaire understanding of the past, when the wretches still peddle a fundamentalist bigoted theology down there with your average Islamic fundamentalist (look at them indulging in the fun of gay-bashing together).

All the same, the pond found it vexing that Donners found so little to say about western civilisation ... how could blather about deep thinkers end up so shallow ... and short?

It reminded the pond of a recent experience with tree-killing newspapers. The pond's partner returned from the airport the other day with a gaggle of newspapers, and all of them were conspicuously lacking in content. The AFR even had on its back page a mindless column from the NY Times.

It led to a much-loved routine. After a quick flick through the lizard Oz, there came the line "how could anyone imagine anyone paying $3 for that?"

L'Age wanted three bucks too, while the AFR had a list price of four bucks, as did the Saturday Paper, while the Monthly wanted $12.95 for its October arts issue ... which was still brooding about the bloody Opera House ... as if they'd suddenly just discovered it wasn't the most suitable venue for an opera ...

Talk about short, light weight ...worse than a colt from old regret ...

It was hopeless and entirely against the spirit of the pond, which aims to bore any stray passing reader to death, in the hope that having been bored shitless, they might thereafter ignore the reptiles and go on to pursue a useful, meaningful life ...

Now dismal dashing Donners had failed that test with his mindless attempt at brevity - western Judeo-Christian civilisation for dummies - so the pond felt the need to wheel out the big guns ...



Please, don't worry ... the pond isn't going to have a debate, a discussion or even a knock-down argument with nattering "Ned" ... the idea is to bore, so that a reader might feel compelled to say, how much do I have to pay to stop reading this nonsense and get out of here with my mind intact?



You see by this point dashing Donners, with his blather about liberal Judeo-Christianity and the glories of western civilisation bunging on two world wars and a holocaust, had already given up, but nattering "Ned" was just warming to the hand-wringing job at hand ...

Would anything meaningful come of it in the next lengthy gobbet, given that the natterer is a coal-loving climate denialist of the fugitive, furtive kind, rarely willing to admit his innate denialism?


An investment uncertainty?

And there you have it, an object lesson to dashing Donners as to how he should have done his job. Bore readers shitless while arriving at nowhere in particular.

Deliver an epic amount of blather, wherein it becomes clear that, thanks to the climate science denying coal lovers of the lizard Oz, onion-munching kind, absolutely nothing will emerge of use to the planet, or by way of price discounting to the consumers, from the latest half-baked cobbled together bit of gutless wonder policy making from spineless old jellyback Malware ...

All they've managed to do is pretend to do something while kicking the can down the road to 2020 and points beyond ...

It reached some kind of wondrous marvel when "Ned" nattered about a "measured response"...

"... suggesting a degree of fresh investment in coal or upgrading coal-fired power stations beyond their expectations, but no talk of new coal-fired stations."

What the fuck does that mean? Why the jellybacked handwringer sounds just like the spineless jellyback.

But we've been here before ... it was almost a year ago that the pond ran this Pope, and we're still on the same dig (with fresher papal insights here) ...





In which the pond sics and sools Dame Slap on to Malware ...



If the pond hadn't been suffering from an overdose of contempt, it might have felt a swell of pity for poor old spineless jellyback Malware late yesterday, when the reptiles of Oz and the onion muncher came out with their song of coal ...

No matter what the hapless impotent failure might try the hate singers will keep singing their song, and the onion muncher won't stop until Malware is dead and buried ...

It led poor savvy Savva to send an urgent message to her hero this day ...


Life is worth living, she reassured her hero, counselling him against a shift to Victoria, and by today, a few of the reptiles had recovered their senses a little and realised that Labor was the enemy ...



Nattering "Ned" was on hand to signal hope for jellyfish everywhere ...


But doom and gloom littered the pages like an Ancient Mariner ruining a wedding feast ...



And Lloydie, the coal-loving, climate science-denying greenie environmentalist was on hand to add to the gloom, though it seems he'd confused the proverbial shit sandwich with some grit ...


A grit sandwich and a magic pudding? 

Norman Lindsay would be rolling in his grave, but could it get any worse for the spineless one? Please allow the pond to adopt a tone of deep gravitas: indeed it could, because someone had let Dame Slap out of her school and she wasn't happy ...



The pond loves days like these. All it has to do is unleash the hounds, set free the kraken, let the pretty bat monkeys out of the cage to fly ... sic him, Dame Slap, sool the hounds on to him ...


Go him, Dame Slap, fleece him, fetch him, flank him, pen him, and if you have to give him a nip or two, let him feel the teeth on the ankle, the judges won't mind ...


Phew ...


... and the Dame was just warming up on old jellyback ...


Elite-driven?

It's come to this? Nattering "Ned" and Dame Slap celebrating the filthy, vile 'leets, and demanding 'leet-driven action?

Oh sure it's in the interests of coal, climate science denialism, UN conspiracies to introduce world government and MAGA caps, but see how the naughtiness of Malware has reduced the teacher to jibber-jabber incoherence ...

Once upon a time she hated the vile 'leets and all their filthy 'leet projects ... as did all the Murdochians, as do most Murdochians to this day ...

 

Never mind, Dame Slap might have temporarily lost her mind, but while you can take the teacher out of the classroom, you can't take away those classroom skills and the desire to instruct ...

 

See how she tries to bring her students into line, save for one pupil who is completely beyond hope ...


Blancmange? The pond has to add a new word to its talk of the spineless jellyback Malware?

Never mind, there's just time to slip in a kind word for the onion-munching coal lover ...

On The Insiders, they acknowledged a deep debt to the onion muncher, what with the onions, the budgie smuggler and of late, the goat ...

Now the pond has other favourites ... banana munching for one ...


But who can deny the deep debt we owe to Malware and the onion muncher, surely the greatest comedy coupling since Laurel and Hardy (let's face it, Abbott and Costello were a little low rent) ... with the goat perhaps the greatest routine of all, as celebrated by Rowe today, with more goaty Rowe here ...



Oh sheesh, the pond has seen that movie before, and it was almost as bad as the ruination of Doug Liman in American Made. Must everything scientology and Tom Cruise touches turn to dross? Does Malware lead a secret fantasy life in which he imagines he's Tom Cruise?